Have you ever caught yourself fuming while stopped in traffic? Have you ever felt your blood pressure spike when your little one stubbornly refuses to cooperate and do what you tell him/her? Do you ever get upset because your partner can’t understand you? Then you probably know very well what anger means!
Anger is a normal emotion and we need to express it. However, it is important for our mental health and our relationships with those around us to manage it properly.
Some useful tips for anger management:
- Use the timeout technique. If you find that during a conversation you start to feel anger, anxiety and tension, give yourself time out. Step away from the room saying, for example, “I need some time to think about what we’ve talked about. I would like to continue the conversation in a moment’ or ‘I feel very angry right now. We’ll sort it out a little later’. Of course, that doesn’t mean you’ll avoid the situation that’s making you uncomfortable. It is important to remember to come back to the issue when you are calmer and clear-headed
- Count to 10. This is not just a tip for children. Often, in our anger we say things that hurt, without that actually being our goal. However, a harsh conversation is as painful as a knife wound and leaves a permanent mark. So take some time to count to 10, regroup your thoughts and then give your answer.
- Create your own relaxing image. Our mind cannot focus on two opposite thoughts (one negative and one positive) at the same time. So take a few deep, slow breaths and focus on an image that calms you and fills you with pleasant feelings. Try your breathing to be visceral and not diaphragmatic, as the former can even lead you to deep relaxation if you do it for at least 10 minutes.
- Notice the changes that occur in your body. The biological reactions to stress and anger are reflected in your face and body. Watch how you physically express your tension and dissatisfaction and try to soften your expressions. Often, your interlocutor becomes more aggressive with you not so much because of what you say, but because of the manner you use.
- Identify the warning signs. Anger is like a boiling volcano, ready to erupt. Before you reach an anger eruption, identify the negative thoughts that are at the base of this volcano – e.g., “He doesn’t understand me again,” “My head is starting to tingle,” “I’m getting annoyed by the situation,” “I want to yell” – and put a STOP before they get out of control!
- Look for the sources of your anger. It is important to understand not only what happens when you get angry, but also why it happens. Often, we are angry for days, weeks and even years – without expressing it – thus forgetting the cause of our anger. So ask yourself, “What is the real source of my anger?”, “Am I trying too hard to be in control of situations?”, “Do I feel accepted by those around me?”
The next time you see yourself getting out of control, take a deep breath, count to ten and go back to reading this text.
By the time all this is done, you will probably have calmed down. Now that you are calmer, think about what a bad trait anger and holding a grudge against someone is.
It’s better, isn’t it, to be superior and not waste time on such negative emotions?
