Listening deeply to others, but also to ourselves, is certainly an art. However, deep listening does not come naturally to all of us. Brother Phap Huu, a Buddhist monk who lives in the Village of Damsas, explains that “deep listening has always been part of our society.” However, “what we see, especially today,” the friar points out, “is that when we really need to be there to listen, many people do not have this ability.” This is either because they don’t have the time, or because they are not trained in this type of listening. In particular, in the cases of those who feel unheard as children, building this kind of listening needs more practice.
So how can we practice the art of deep listening?
Every day we are given the opportunity to learn to be truly present with ourselves and others. Here, you will find some tips to build and hone your ability to listen deeply:
1. Connect with yourself first
One of the best ways to build our ability to listen deeply to others is to practice the art of slowing down. We can methodically learn to turn our attention inward and be present with our own experience – our own thoughts, our own feelings and our own physical sensations. In other words, when we are able to listen deeply to ourselves and connect with our own experience, it becomes easier to listen deeply to others.
2. Find and dedicate time
Deep listening is an art that takes time to learn. It can be helpful to create regular time in your schedule to be intentionally “really present” with the people you love. For couples, this could be a ‘check-in’ once a week, in which partners give each other space to discuss what is on their minds and how they are feeling. This should be done, with the emphasis being on connection and excluding criticism from upper practice.
3. Notice your tendency or desire to move away from the practice of deep listening
Such tendencies usually take the form of interrupting or correcting the person talking to us, distraction or a desire to give hasty advice. When you find yourself moving away from deep listening, notice how this happens and gently and consciously return to the practice.
