Toxic people or toxic relationships make us feel bad, make us feel unworthy and drain our energy. The best solution to toxicity is not to associate with such people, because the toxic person will hardly change if he does not want to.
But I understand that you want a solution!
What I will share with you is how to spot the hidden toxic messages to keep an eye out before it’s too late.
“You make me feel…”
Let’s go backwards a little bit. It is important to understand that what we are feeling at any given moment comes from within us, it is our own feeling. And it’s not really about whether the other person influences us, but about how we ourselves receive and decode the messages they send us. But a toxic person will try to blame you for how they feel. Beware here that this responsibility may involve some positive feeling, but it is still manipulative to take such an approach.
Examples:
“You make me ashamed of you”
“You make me feel bad every time you leave me alone”
“You make me sad with your behavior…”
“You make me very happy when you’re with me”
“You are the only joy I have in my life”
“Don’t you ever say to me…”, “don’t you dare…”
There is nothing wrong with setting our own limits where necessary, but it is the way we do it that matters. When we want to keep good relations with the other person, we can talk calmly and explain what it is that we don’t like. The toxic man, however, does not aim to set limits, but to show off his dominance. And this shows not only through fights but also in his daily behavior.
Attention to the following phrases:
“Don’t you ever say that to me again!”
“Don’t you dare suspect things about me”
“You are…”
In a toxic relationship you will always feel guilty. You will “apologize” and apologize for your thoughts and actions. And the toxic person will try to degrade you and put labels on you like:
“You are very provocative”
“You are always in your world”
“You never understand me”
How do you deal with toxic people in your life?
