“We naturally perceive other people’s emotions unconsciously, just like when we have a cold,” says Laurie Santos, Ph.D., a cognitive scientist and professor of psychology at Yale University who hosts The Happiness Lab podcast. “We are much more influenced by the people around us than we think, in terms of attitudes and habits.”
Research shows that watching people go through a stressful ordeal – such as presenting a paper in front of others – can increase heart rate and cortisol levels in observers, says Tony Buchanan, Ph.D., co-director of the neuroscience program at Saint Louis University. Buchanan helped develop a research paradigm, the Emphatic Trier Social Stress Test, to illustrate this phenomenon. The ripple effect, he says, is built into our biology for survival.
“In animals that live in groups, like humans, your chances of survival are greater if you pay attention to the stress of others as a warning sign of danger and mobilise internal resources to get your muscles working to get out of that situation,” he explains.
1. Negative energy blocking
“We all have mirror neurons, a collection of brain cells that can mimic every emotion we automatically encounter,” said Dr. Uma Naidoo, director of psychiatric nutrition and lifestyle at Massachusetts General Hospital. So, just as you can block a mirror to prevent light reflection, you can attempt to block the mirrors of your brain. To do this, imagine something you like or that makes you laugh before you enter a situation that you anticipate will be stressful.
2. Get some fresh air
“Try to physically and physically remove yourself from the source of the negative energy,” suggests psychiatrist Dr. Judith Orloff, author of The Empath’s Survival Guide. “The further you are from the source, the less the results will be.” Stepping outside or simply looking at nature-inspired scenes may be your wisest choice. Research shows that being in nature has the ability to increase feelings of well-being while reducing heart rate, blood pressure and muscle tension.
3. Set clear boundaries
“Consider physically separating yourself from the stressed person until he or she has a chance to calm down,” advises psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, author of Better Than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crash Your Inner. If they have to take it out on you anyway, email or phone is more manageable.
4. Take a mental step back
Imagine yourself as an independent observer, suggests Sherry Cormier, PhD, a psychologist, certified grief trauma specialist and stress management counselor. Practice compassionate posting. Be attentive, polite but not so emotional that you feel responsible for another person’s problem. This strategy helps, Cormier explained, because “you’re not pushing yourself to fix something that’s out of your control.”
5. Remember to breathe
When we take on the stress of others, our breathing gets faster, Cormier said. When you feel yourself getting anxious, pay attention to the length of your exhalations and inhale. “Try to breathe less than 12 breaths a minute,” advises Cormier. “Slower breathing reduces the stress response in the body.”
6. Build your emotional immune system
To do this, you will need a healthy self-care regimen. “Invest time to find things that make you relax and recharge, and that you can do routinely,” said Alisha Powell, PhD, LCSW, a therapist and social worker. “It shouldn’t be excessive, but it should make sense to you.” Whether it’s yoga, woodworking or a weekly game night with friends, find something that satisfies you. Then continue it on a regular basis. If you’re exposed to stress when you’re not taking care of yourself, “you’ll find that you’re more irritable than usual and have a lower tolerance for frustration,” Powell said.
7. Look ahead
When you’re in a stressful interaction, start planning what you can do later to decompress, Lombardo suggested. Sign up for meditation classes on the Internet? Want to meet a friend for dinner? Imagine how good it would feel to go home and cuddle your children? Remind yourself that there really is light at the end of the day.
8. Take out paper and pencil
Putting your feelings into words can also help you relax from a stressful event. Don’t worry about creating a literary masterpiece. Instead, try writing non-stop for a few minutes about your feelings. This can help you organise your thoughts and deal with your emotions better. A theory why? Once on paper, these endless thoughts are better organized in your head.
